My Lost Darling

How cold is your smile,
That was once so warm...
Which warmed the place even if it's cold inside.
How dull are your eyes,
That was once so bright...
Which sparkled even in the darkest of nights.
How pale is your skin,
That was once so radiant...
Which glowed like the first sun of Spring.

How I long for your presence to be here...
How I long for you to come near...
How I wish for your charms to reappear...
How I wish for you to fill my days with cheers...
Sad is the soul that is left here alone...
Stranded on an island..
Out in the cold...
With nothing to wake up to...
And nothing to hope for...
The life of the soul just slowly goes...

I know for a fact that you won't be there...
But still I will try and do not care...
Of what others have been saying to me...
Of what others have been scolding me...
You are the seam that is holding me together...
Without your presence I'll fall apart altogether...

Despite the fact that you lie in a coffin...
Forever and ever you will be my darling...

written in 2010

If Only You Knew

If only you knew how much I have to say...
If only you knew that your smile would make my day...
If only you knew how I long for a companion like you...
If only you knew that when you're away I'll be down and blue...
If only you knew how it is to feel afraid of the future...
If only you knew that I want more to life than adventure...
If only you knew how it is to be different...
If only you knew that you make my life more brilliant....
If only you knew how it is to be me...
If only you knew that some things are meant to be....

If only I could share with you my every thoughts...
But if only you knew that it comes with so much dread and lost....
If only I could be honest with you and share all that I have...
But if only you knew how much it would kill me to....

Be not afraid of what I might hide from you...Be the more happy that I am there...
For life is ever so short and unpredictable...For me to be there forever it would be a miracle

written in 2010

The Story Within

The cool wind blows upon the face....
Whispering and howling the sounds of loneliness....
Where is the company when it is needed???

Stuck in a maze of vines that is so confusing....
For every turn and corner is the same.....
Every thorn of the vines cutting the flesh away....

Where is the guidance and help???
Where is the encouragement and hope???
Like a rose plant in darkness....

Withering away its life.....
There is no joy or laughter anymore....
Everything is just as plain and as boring....

Will there be a chance to revive again???
I honestly doubt it.....
Every smile and gesture is just a show....

At the end of it all....
No one knows the truth....
Nobody can know the true story behind it all....

written in 2009

The Real Me Is Nothing

Am losing my grip on the memories I hold so dear....
Becoming like a mad person who's lost self conscious....
Often am being told my laugh is not true...
Often am being said am not myself anymore...

Can it be true?
Can it be real?
That I am really losing myself....

I reflect upon the mirror to see an image...
An image that stares blankly back at me...
Not knowing what is to be done....
Not knowing what else is there....

Who am I to you?
Who am I to the world?
Who am I to myself?

Just a being with no meaning of self rightousness...
Just a being with nothing but an image to withold upon...
The real me is nothing to you and everybody else...
The real me is nothing to myself

written in 2009

When You're Not Here Anymore

To wake up to know you're not there,
Shows me that my life is bare...
Where is the justice in life?
Is it just another mere fraction of time...
Give all my tomorrows for one yesterday,
Just so that I can hear you say...
Those sweet words that my ears miss,
The flowery linguistic that my heart beats...

How I wish I could hold you near,
To know that I could cherish you dear...
The moments we shared were ever so sweet,
The feelings we had were pure and true...
When I know there's no more you,
I know that life's tomorrows will be so blue...
If only I could show you then,
All of my hearts content...

Maybe perhaps things would be different,
Maybe perhaps life would have changes...
One thing I do know for sure,
Is that you're not here...
No more warm kisses or hugs,
No more sweet words or smiles...
Only the cold emptiness of life,
Greeting me throughout the days and night...

written in 2009

Upon A Star I Wish

Upon a star I wish, for the coming of an Angel...
To cleanse the sins of the human world...
To rid of all the useless norms...
To make the world a better form...

Upon a star I wish, for changes in the people...
To have a world of peace...
To have a nation in total harmony...
To have a society of true talent and pureness...

Upon a star I wish, that life need not be cruel...
To make the life of others easier...
To enable less negativity from appearing...
To ensure that everybody is happy...

Upon a star I wish, that I can make a difference...
To touch the lives of the condamn...
To give hope to the unfortunate...
To show the pesimist that nothing is impossible...

Upon a star I wish, that I never exist...
For I too have contributed the damge...
For I too have been a pesismist at times...
For I too have evil thoughts of damnation...

As if I never existed, I will not have contributed...
As if I never existed, the world would be a soul less...
A soul that is already blacken and condamn for the actions...

written in 2009

Last Grace

To all my loving and caring friends and family...

Please don't treat me like who I used to be...

Am not the same anymore...

Please discover me at your own perspective...

I need true support from deep within the heart...

To those who I love but don't love me...

What is wrong with me loving you???

Can't you see that am not asking for anything...

I just want to love you and care for you...

Tell me why am I forbade to do so???

For those who love me but don't understand me...

Why love me when you don't know who I am???

Why say you will try and do your best but end up the other way???

Can't you see that too much of these actions will only make me hate you???

At the end of it all, you will not exist in my life no more...

For those who hate me for who I am...

I never ask you to like me...

I never wanted you to go on the same road of life with me...

If you hate me then it's your problem...

So Fuck Off and stay away if you hate me...

For those who spread awful rumours of me...

Wake up and look at the mirror...

You are just making yourself ugly in peoples eyes...

When they know the truth you will be nothing...

So stop what you are doing and repent...

For the me that is depressed...

Time to pick myself up from this downfall...

Time to smile and move forward...

No point holding or hoping for something that won't come back...

It's time to let go and just be yourself once again...

written in 2009 April