My Lost Darling

How cold is your smile,
That was once so warm...
Which warmed the place even if it's cold inside.
How dull are your eyes,
That was once so bright...
Which sparkled even in the darkest of nights.
How pale is your skin,
That was once so radiant...
Which glowed like the first sun of Spring.

How I long for your presence to be here...
How I long for you to come near...
How I wish for your charms to reappear...
How I wish for you to fill my days with cheers...
Sad is the soul that is left here alone...
Stranded on an island..
Out in the cold...
With nothing to wake up to...
And nothing to hope for...
The life of the soul just slowly goes...

I know for a fact that you won't be there...
But still I will try and do not care...
Of what others have been saying to me...
Of what others have been scolding me...
You are the seam that is holding me together...
Without your presence I'll fall apart altogether...

Despite the fact that you lie in a coffin...
Forever and ever you will be my darling...

written in 2010

If Only You Knew

If only you knew how much I have to say...
If only you knew that your smile would make my day...
If only you knew how I long for a companion like you...
If only you knew that when you're away I'll be down and blue...
If only you knew how it is to feel afraid of the future...
If only you knew that I want more to life than adventure...
If only you knew how it is to be different...
If only you knew that you make my life more brilliant....
If only you knew how it is to be me...
If only you knew that some things are meant to be....

If only I could share with you my every thoughts...
But if only you knew that it comes with so much dread and lost....
If only I could be honest with you and share all that I have...
But if only you knew how much it would kill me to....

Be not afraid of what I might hide from you...Be the more happy that I am there...
For life is ever so short and unpredictable...For me to be there forever it would be a miracle

written in 2010

The Story Within

The cool wind blows upon the face....
Whispering and howling the sounds of loneliness....
Where is the company when it is needed???

Stuck in a maze of vines that is so confusing....
For every turn and corner is the same.....
Every thorn of the vines cutting the flesh away....

Where is the guidance and help???
Where is the encouragement and hope???
Like a rose plant in darkness....

Withering away its life.....
There is no joy or laughter anymore....
Everything is just as plain and as boring....

Will there be a chance to revive again???
I honestly doubt it.....
Every smile and gesture is just a show....

At the end of it all....
No one knows the truth....
Nobody can know the true story behind it all....

written in 2009

The Real Me Is Nothing

Am losing my grip on the memories I hold so dear....
Becoming like a mad person who's lost self conscious....
Often am being told my laugh is not true...
Often am being said am not myself anymore...

Can it be true?
Can it be real?
That I am really losing myself....

I reflect upon the mirror to see an image...
An image that stares blankly back at me...
Not knowing what is to be done....
Not knowing what else is there....

Who am I to you?
Who am I to the world?
Who am I to myself?

Just a being with no meaning of self rightousness...
Just a being with nothing but an image to withold upon...
The real me is nothing to you and everybody else...
The real me is nothing to myself

written in 2009

When You're Not Here Anymore

To wake up to know you're not there,
Shows me that my life is bare...
Where is the justice in life?
Is it just another mere fraction of time...
Give all my tomorrows for one yesterday,
Just so that I can hear you say...
Those sweet words that my ears miss,
The flowery linguistic that my heart beats...

How I wish I could hold you near,
To know that I could cherish you dear...
The moments we shared were ever so sweet,
The feelings we had were pure and true...
When I know there's no more you,
I know that life's tomorrows will be so blue...
If only I could show you then,
All of my hearts content...

Maybe perhaps things would be different,
Maybe perhaps life would have changes...
One thing I do know for sure,
Is that you're not here...
No more warm kisses or hugs,
No more sweet words or smiles...
Only the cold emptiness of life,
Greeting me throughout the days and night...

written in 2009

Upon A Star I Wish

Upon a star I wish, for the coming of an Angel...
To cleanse the sins of the human world...
To rid of all the useless norms...
To make the world a better form...

Upon a star I wish, for changes in the people...
To have a world of peace...
To have a nation in total harmony...
To have a society of true talent and pureness...

Upon a star I wish, that life need not be cruel...
To make the life of others easier...
To enable less negativity from appearing...
To ensure that everybody is happy...

Upon a star I wish, that I can make a difference...
To touch the lives of the condamn...
To give hope to the unfortunate...
To show the pesimist that nothing is impossible...

Upon a star I wish, that I never exist...
For I too have contributed the damge...
For I too have been a pesismist at times...
For I too have evil thoughts of damnation...

As if I never existed, I will not have contributed...
As if I never existed, the world would be a soul less...
A soul that is already blacken and condamn for the actions...

written in 2009

Last Grace

To all my loving and caring friends and family...

Please don't treat me like who I used to be...

Am not the same anymore...

Please discover me at your own perspective...

I need true support from deep within the heart...

To those who I love but don't love me...

What is wrong with me loving you???

Can't you see that am not asking for anything...

I just want to love you and care for you...

Tell me why am I forbade to do so???

For those who love me but don't understand me...

Why love me when you don't know who I am???

Why say you will try and do your best but end up the other way???

Can't you see that too much of these actions will only make me hate you???

At the end of it all, you will not exist in my life no more...

For those who hate me for who I am...

I never ask you to like me...

I never wanted you to go on the same road of life with me...

If you hate me then it's your problem...

So Fuck Off and stay away if you hate me...

For those who spread awful rumours of me...

Wake up and look at the mirror...

You are just making yourself ugly in peoples eyes...

When they know the truth you will be nothing...

So stop what you are doing and repent...

For the me that is depressed...

Time to pick myself up from this downfall...

Time to smile and move forward...

No point holding or hoping for something that won't come back...

It's time to let go and just be yourself once again...

written in 2009 April

When The Demon Walks Into My LIfe

The MooN shines upon the just and the unjust...
Like the RaiN falls upon the wounded and non wounded...
Everyday DreamS and Hopes are being rob from me...
Like being rape repeatously...
The perportrator is non other than the disappointment in life...

Is there even a God there to hear my prayers...
Or are we all just chess pieces on a board game...
Between God and the Devil...

Where is the Mercy that we have been promised once we pray?
With all the hatred and anger I have built within me...
I turn to the other forces for Vengence...

If God and the Devil won't hear what I have to say...
Then go for their underlings...
As even in the supernatural world that these creatures are like us...
In the commodity of a corporate ladder...

Each different and having their own needs and desires...
Should I turn to the Angel of Massacre...
Or should I sell my soul to the Demon...

The Demon has offered me His help...
In return to live amongst us humans with the blood that runs through my veins...
His cold breathe can be felt at my face as He whispered His conditions...
His touch was gentle and soft...
Somehow it was mesmerising to be captivated by the Demon...
And yet dangerous...

Ever since then I had no downfalls...
No despair or disatisfaction with the life that is before me...
For my life holds no certain future except the future that of which I bargain for...
At the end of it all...
His cold lips will be pressed against mine...
Sucking my very soul from this body....
And I will exist no more...

Somehow getting to know the Demon made me at ease with myself...
I think I have gradually fallen in love to the one supernatural being that...
Captured my Heart and my Soul....

written in 2009 late April I think

Words from A Secret Admirer

I see YOU everyday at the walkway...
Words that I wished to tell YOU...
Can NEVER be said ALOUD...
But only kept in MIND replaying itself...
For if YOU only KNEW what I have for YOU...

How I wished to be like all YOUR guy friends...
How I wished to hangout with YOU like they do...
I envy those who have the GUTS...
To have a LASTING conversation with YOU...
To actually LAUGH with YOU...

How I DESPISED the girls that YOU date...
For at the END to see YOU cry over them...
Always BREAKS my HEART...
For they KNOW nothing of YOU...
Not like the WAY that I do...

I TRIED to voice my THOUGHTS...
But YOU ignored my PRESENCE...
Am I invisible to YOU???
Now with YOUR attention shifted TOWARDS her...
My HEART no longer has a PLACE for YOU...

I KNOW that I can't COMPETE with her...
Can NEVER win over the FEELING that YOU have...
I REALLY wonder...
Is she as GOOD and CAPABLE to STEAL YOU...
From everybody....
ESPECIALLY ME....

this is amazing...as I recall writing this like yesterday....hahaha :)

written in 2009

Innocent No More

When they FOUND her...
It was already too LATE...
Her fragile BODY curled up against the wall...
Shivering away in the COLD dark room...
Her once smooth hair seems to be DRIPPING with wet water...
It is not water, they're looking at....
It is BLOOD...
Her INNOCENT face covered with splatters of BLOOD...
Her eyes calling for HELP...
But her hand holds a BLOODY KNIFE....

They FOUND her parents upstairs in different rooms...
Their THROATS being slit open...
The father's FINGERS being cut off...
His TORSO cut open and GUTTED...
What they see they can't RELATE...

They APPROACH her with caution...
Not sure WHAT is to be done...
They SLOWLY took her into custody...
She was given CRAYONS and PAPER...
In the INTERROGATING room...
Her GIGGLES and CUTE vibrant drawing could be seen...
When ASKED of what happen...
She PAUSED in her seat and STOP what she was doing...

Mummy and Daddy were FIGHTING again...
Mummy decided to PACK and leave me behind...
I told her NOT to go...
I told her to STAY with us...
Daddy said it was because of ME...
He then LEFT me downstairs and went to the room toSTOP Mummy...
But I can still HEAR them SCREAMING at each other...
I then heard the CRASHING sounds of glasses...
Mummy is going to get HURT again...
Daddy then came STOMPING down the stairs...
He then GRAB his golf club and went up again...

Then I heard a big THUD...
I KNEW something was wrong...
I took Mummy's favourite KNIFE and slowly went up...
I saw Daddy standing over Mummy NAGGING at her...
After that I HID myself at the side of his study room...
When he came in and SAT in his arm chair...
I went over and SLIT his throat...
I then SLOWLY cut off his fingers as he was choking in his BLOOD...
And finally I cut OPEN his torso and pulled out all that was there...

Then I walk to find Mummy...
She was CRYING and slowly picking herself up...
I said, DON'T cry Mummy...
Daddy won't HURT you anymore...
He can't, cause I HURT him...
Mummy look at me with SADDEN eyes...
But I ASSURED her that she will be ok...
She didn't BELIEVE me for I was wet all over...
She then walk out to FIND Daddy...
She was SHOCK to see what has been done...

She then walk back to the room and SLAP me...
All I did was to PROTECT her...
But Mummy didn't UNDERSTAND...
She HIT me over and over...
Then she PICK up the phone and called the police...
Then I SLIT her throat...
Her eyes were ASKING for me to help...
But I said, I did HELPED you but you didn't APPRECIATEit...
You are JUST LIKE Daddy...
You two DESERVE each other...
Then I walk off...

After FINISHING her story...
She CONTINUED with her drawing...
Nobody could BELIEVE what she had just shared...
How can a little girl so INNOCENT do all this???
What PUSHED her to this extent???
The ANSWER...
INCOMPETENCE of her parents...
To FAIL to UNDERSTAND and CHERISH what they have...

written in 2009 not sure the month

The Hidden Voice of A Broken Heart....

Words from the HEART cannot cure,
the SOUL that is already being cut open.
Actions that is ever so HURTFUL,
cannot be UNDONE when the damage already exist.
The THOUGHT of giving it all up,
affects the WILL to actually go fot it.
Don't tell me that NOW is not the time,
cause you will LOSE it again.
For we are ONLY human inside,
if there is NO reason for me to hold on,
Why would I even TRY holding on.

To you-I may be just a TOY,
but to me-you are my true JOY.
There are DIFFERENCES between us,
but what is IMPORTANT is the things we share.
Can't you SEE that am trying to work it out?
Can't you TRY working it out too?
If we continue to IGNORE about it,
am AFRAID there will never be YOU and ME.

written in 2009 but not sure what month

Be Your Love

Don't tell me that this is the end...
Don't tell me we're not meant to be...
Don't give me excuses for giving up...
Don't give me a reason to say no more...
Is it so hard to hold on?
Is it so hard to believe on the thought of us?

Love me for the right reasons..
Don't tell me your friends say we're not a match...
Love me because you want to...
Don't tell me it's cause of how I look....
Am not a toy for you to play...
Am human and have feelings like you do....

Am wanting you to want me...
Am longing for you to long for me...
Life's a cruel game to test us all the time...
Life's a beautiful melody to weave us together.....
Give me a chance to be there by your side....
Give me a lifetime to be your love....

written in March of 2009

My Peace

Am looking for a Moment in time...

Am looking for a Space that's mine.....

Give me a second to Reason with myself...

Give me a second to Arrange myself....

Am lost in the crowd that Don't Know me.....

Am lost in the crowd that Ignores me....

My voice cannot be Heard....

My thoughts cannot be Learned.....

Am tired of what's there...

Am tired of getting nothing but air....

Am tired of what's never there.....

Am tired of having life bare....

Give me my Sanctuary...

My solitude of peace....

Give me my Grave....

So I can rest in peace.....

written in March of 2009

Light of the World

Little girl with a heart so pure,
Is it true you have a cure?
Gone are the lives of the innocent people,
Hell's fire blazing at DEATH's sickle.
To whom do we owe this damnation,

Of blood shead,tears and destruction.
Failure to keep our moralities high,

Together we deny the truth and sigh.
How did we end up here?
Everyone without a heart to care.

Will anyone save us from this hour?
On which day will we regain our honour?
Rough are the days ahead of us,
Little girl please don leave us.
Don't you see?

You Are The Light, The Life That We Long To Keep.

written in March of 2009